Let’s pause to admire the elusive and exotic camel…toe

It all started with a fannypack. Followed by a story that Instagram took down.* And because I created this blog, in part, to NOT give social media all my content, I figured I’d troll them with this post.

See, I bought a fannypack for an upcoming trip to Disneyland because I want to be hands-free at D-land. And because my gym bestie wears one and is my full-on fashion muse.

I posted about it on my Insta story, along with the song Cameltoe by a group from the early ‘00s called…you guessed it: Fannypack. I went to sleep, woke up, and it was GONE. My guess is that someone was offended by the reference to female crotch cleavage. So, folks, I give you AN ENTIRE BLOG POST on the subject.

*Full disclosure: I think the story is back up, but it’s too late to turn back now.

Cameltoe, an intro

<<WARNING: DO NOT GOOGLE CAMELTOE. Definite NSFW visuals.>>

Cameltoe occurs when a woman’s pants creep up and accentuate the anatomy between her legs. Not necessarily in a good way. But maybe not necessarily in a bad way either, as I will get to in a minute.

Other Celebrity Cameltoe Sightings

Anyway, a few days ago I experienced a cameltoe when I tried on stretch pants my mom bought that have a seam right up the crotch. She’s new to athleisure.

I asked my husband if it was obvious, and he had questions. Questions like: Can’t you just move your stuff over to avoid it? Um, what “stuff,” sir? It’s fabric. Pulled up into a HOLE. An innie, not an outie.

All hail Khloe Karadashian, the undisputed Kween of Kameltoe!

How cameltoe came to be (for me)

An article on Jezebel states that the term cameltoe was made popular in 2001 by a character called Camel Toe Annie who appeared on the Conan O’Brien show. <<Kids, this was a talk show with a very tall, very funny redheaded man named Conan, nickname CoCo.>>

Other songs that were popular circa 2003:
50 Cent’s In da Club (BTW, did you see that Vivica called 50 the love of her life?!)
R. Kelly’s Ignition (yikes!)
Sean Paul’s Get Busy (meh.)
And Beyonce’s Crazy in Love (still a bop!!!)

Also popular was Fountains of Wayne’s Stacy’s Mom (inside joke).

A year later, the term was inducted into the Urban Dictionary. Then, in 2003, when I was finishing up college finally after a 7-year stint, the song Cameltoe by Fannypack was unleashed on the world.

The song appealed to me because it’s funny and has a good beat, but also because this trio of girls from Brooklyn sound like some of the finest female hip hop groups of all time. Ladies and gentlemen (but most likely ladies given the title of this post), I give you…

…L’Trimm’s Cars That Go Boom from 1988

…J.J. Fad’s Supersonic from 1987 (Shout out to J.J. Fad, whose style is still relevant some 30 years later!)

…and, of course, the queens of hip hop, Salt-N-Pepa (who transcend time; no date needed)

I was an ‘80s and ‘90s latchkey kid, so I watched A LOT of Yo! MTV Raps, which featured all of these female artists. <<Kids, a latchkey kid is a child who returns home from school alone, uses a doorkey their parents told them not to lose to let themselves into their own home, and microwaves multiple unhealthy snacks to mindlessly shove into their face while watching countless hours of unsupervised television. In the olden days, our parents didn’t care about us.>>

Cameltoe Care

If you’re not into showing off, several steps can be taken to combat cameltoe:

1. Avoid pants that are too tight, as this can cause them to rise up into your region.
   
2. If tight pants can’t be avoided, stuff with toilet paper (if you’re caught out in public in a pinch) or use a thin pantyliner (if you can plan ahead). This will bridge the gap.
   
3. Don’t be like my mom—in so many ways—and avoid buying stretch pants with a crotch seam.
   
4. In fact, some stretch pants actually have a crotch gusset sewn in. Lululemon released a pair in 2015 that boasted an anti-cameltoe gusset specifically.
   
5. There are also several cameltoe-concealing products, much like pasties to smooth your nips, sold on Amazon, if that’s your thing.
   

On VPL: Fear of VPL had us switching to thongs in the ‘90s, and Sisco even wrote a gorgeous melody about it, but now granny panties are back, with G-string sales down since 2016! We no longer have to suffer that thin strip of fabric shoved up our most delicate of parts! Praise be!

As a feminist and women’s studies minor in college, I say let your toe show! Allow your vagina take up space in this patriarchal world, as Amy Schumer has suggested. As a philosophy major, I ask this important existential question: If the presence of VPL is now OK, what does that mean for cameltoe?